The rumors of being first born are true! You do more with your first cub than the others. From epic birthday parties to monthly photoshoots such as the one below…
Ty had a solid first few years of being showered with undivided attention and adoration. I have documented so much of his life in forms of photos, videos, and journal entries.
With Aunts and Uncles who did not have kids of their own yet, we were able to join forces and throw a lot of creative and elaborate celebrations in his honor (see the previous post for more details).
At some point, the parties dipped in the level of creativity and grandeur. I felt bad for the dip but it was inevitable when the family grew in number and special needs. The timing of the dip in parties was closely related to when Quinn’s special needs and Eli’s newborn needs became insurmountable. It was another hard life lesson I didn’t want to teach him. It made me sad to disappoint him and not be as available to him. With our main focus on his siblings, I didn’t want his needs to fall through the cracks.
So I got him a therapist. It was one of the best decisions I’ve made. Little did we know, his needs were starting to grow, as well. His therapist highlighted how some of my Tiger Mom practices were actually hurting my relationship with Ty. Because his younger siblings needed so much attention, I forced Ty to grow up faster. I had put a lot of demands on him to be independent. I needed him to not need me as much. But Ty’s needs needed attention too and it was not fair for me to make him navigate that on his own.
My relationship with him today is a bit rocky, as a result. It doesn’t help that he and I have very different personalities too. It’s ok, though. People are allowed to clash and have differences. I don’t have to be his best friend and confidant. But I do want him to know that I love him very much. At this point, it’s all about balancing the bad moments with good ones. It’s very challenging to do, given our differences and I know the scale often leans on the negative, but I keep at it. At the end of the week/month/year, I hope it is, at the very least, balanced, if not leaning towards good. I want him to know that I love him and will always be there for him. I hope one day he will see that I tried as best as I could.
He has taught me so much about what it means to be a mom, much less a Tiger Mom. He is really a great kid who has shouldered a lot and is often misunderstood. When he was born, I wanted to be a Tiger Mom for him. I wanted to make sure I tell him “you made me a mom.” I became a mom when he was born in the year of the Tiger. I am his Tiger Mom. Together we are learning lot. He has so much of Mike and me in him. As much as I feel bad about it, I know he will be better off for it. Growth comes out of struggle.