Ok I guess I’m really doing this! 😬So here goes!
Tiger mom (n)
- A strict mother, especially an East Asian one, who demands academic excellence and obedience from her children. (source: dictionary.com)
- A mother who is overly strict with her child in order to foster an academically competitive spirit. This form of upbringing is intended to direct a child towards financially successful careers at the potential risk of feeling emotionally unfulfilled and/or socially inept. (source: Urbandictionary.com)
Tigerish mom (n)
- A much watered down version of the definition above. Um… it’s close enough!?!?!
I was raised by a tiger mom (except she didn’t put me through music lessons) and have found myself wanting to follow in her footsteps when I entered motherhood. I loved the emphasis on respect and discipline–that really speaks to my controlling nature. However, I quickly realized that the tiger mom regimen was not going to be a realistic parenting style for me due to the following reasons.
- I married a very stubborn and proud Italian-American who was raised much differently than me. His childhood was much more… nurturing. If I wanted to remain married for the next…. 5+ years, I really needed to give in a little and meet him in the middle. They call it “compromise”.
- I want my little cubs to actually like me at the end of their high school graduation. I’m sure there are cubs out there who have great relationships with their tiger moms but I do not. So without personally knowing a tiger mom who did it “right” (meaning their cubs have achieved academic excellence yet still have open & honest relationships with their tiger mothers), I didn’t trust myself to do this correctly. Ultimately, it was more important to me that my cubs and I have an open and honest relationship, than that they have academic excellence. Selfish? Perhaps. I see it as pushing them towards personal excellence.
- Two of my three cubs have special needs. Traditional tiger mom practices should be executed delicately in these circumstances. I’ve tried hard core tough love on my daughter and had set her backwards in development a few times. My main takeaways from all the therapies and books is that my cubs need to feel unconditionally loved and safe. That’s going to take a lot of humor, empathy, and a lot of patience.
- I was not happy as a tiger mom. The self-imposed Tiger mom requirements were really stressing me out. I had already decided 6 months into motherhood that I did not want to be a perfect mom, much less a tiger one. I just want to be a good mom and there are a millions ways to be a “good” mom.
Hence, my reason for calling myself a tigerish mom. The tiger mom teachings are very much preprogrammed in my psyche, but I’m trying to find the balance.
Come join me on my journey…